"The abusive man's belief that his own needs should come ahead of his partner's is at the core of his problem. Therefore when anyone, including therapists, tells an abusive man that he should change because that's what's best for him, they are inadvertently feeding his selfish focus on himself: You can't simultaneously contribute to a problem and solve it. Abusive men who make lasting changes are the ones who do so becuase they realize how badly they are hurting their partners and children - in other words, because they learn to care about what is good for others and develop empathy, instead of caring only about themselves." - Lundy Bancroft, 'Why Does He Do That'.