A Smart Man

A guy friend of mine once told me that he wished that all girls would keep a "blog",

that way you would always know what they're thinking.

Things For Storage

Now that I'm over you, I can say this.  Before, I couldn't ever say anything directly about you on this blog because it was too near, too painful.  I could write about all the others, but not you.  But now, I'd just like to say that I will never listen to Mazzy Star or Candlebox ever again.  Those artists and the memories they helped create, have been put away in a box forever, along with all of the hotel keys and the concert tickets that I saved from our years together.

Pain In My Ass

When I said I was "missing you tonight", I meant that night... not all the nights. 

Otherwise, mostly: you're a pain in my ass.

You Erased Yourself

What you don't know is that when you took an axe to my sliding glass door, you instantly made it impossible for me to allow myself to ever miss you.  And that's really too bad.  All of those times we shared could have been sweet memories to look back upon, instead of seeing them as a big mistake.

You Linger On

Our nights together were always short, but rich.  There were candles, bourbon, wine, cool breezes, talking, talking, loving, and talking some more, then sound sleep and warmth. 

One night you kissed me, then rolled over on your side and said casually "I love you".  I think I sat straight up in bed, and said "What did you just say to me?".  You, knowing I would protest, said simply "You heard me". 

Your leather, my lace, and then the cold morning after, that tried to extinguish your warmth. 

How To Get Rid Of Me

The fastest way to get rid of me forever, is to judge me.

I Still Need You

An Elite Type Of Bad Boy

There is something about cowboys with money isn't there?  Or cowboys in search of money.  Even if it is fleeting money.  They are kind of like, the elite of Bad Boy's.  I mean, look at these two above, Wyatt and Doc Holiday from Tombstone.  They are as sexy as it gets.  The way they walk, the way they talk, the way they dress... as gentlemen prepared for war; not to mention that swagger... I want one. 

Hair Tonic

It's been a Cowboy summer, and I've discovered that hair tonic is sexy and needs to be brought back into fashion as soon as possible.

Predator & Prey

'Predator and Prey' Artwork by Aternox

The predator knows when to be still, and then exactly at what moment to strike.  The predator catches the prey, and yet sometimes, the prey still escapes.  What are the chances of that predator, catching that very same prey again?  I think when the predator finally catches what he's been hunting for a very long time, he won't let it go.  Not for anything in the world.

Welcome October...

The month of change.

Opportunities Of Love

The fleeting weeks of new love intoxication have to be special enough, and treasured enough, to carry you through the rest of the relationship; not thrown away, lost on logic and reason.  You cannot buy back a moment.  You cannot wish back a lost opportunity.

I played his game.  I made myself real for him.  Now, it's my turn, for him to become real for me, or to disappear, and not be The One. 

It's hard, but I've been trained like a soldier for these messes.  The pain of waiting on a man that is too hard on me, not giving the shelter of love, but still wanting him.  Wanting to be good, wanting to be enough... wanting him to be good and enough.  To be there... for me, as I want to be there for him.

All is not lost... I will wait for him to become real.    

Claiming The Queen

I want you to claim me.

I need you to wear me out, and still my mind. 

I need you to take from me, what I didn't know I had to give.

I need you to touch me, and want me, and worship and comsume me.

I want you to make me yours, and no one else's.

To be my King.

I need you to turn my body into a trembling mass of fluid and flesh.

I need you to draw out of me, my second, third and fourth wind of desire for you.

I need your strength.  I need your power.  I need to submit to you until I cannot see anyone but you,

until I cannot see at all... only feel.

Not Real

What do I have to do to make you real?

Good Lookin' Old Dudes

It is said that men age more gracefully than women, but from the looks of most of the guys my age now, you would think that they are the ones that gave birth to their kids.  But there are some men that just get better; not just better looking neccissarily, as they age, just... better.  They have a casualness about them that most younger men don't have.  They have a certain confidence, and eyes that sparkle with the wisdom of experiences that have molded them into something different, and more durable, without breaking them.  They know what they want, and combined with steadfast good looks like this, they can have it. 

Sam Elliot

Richard Gere

Robert Downy Jr.

Alec Baldwin

Gary Oldman

George Clooney

Harrison Ford

John Travolta

And here are some rockers that are still looking good.  I like to think they're not aging, but "curing", from all the alchohol.

Billy Idol

John Sykes

Blackie Lawless

(I just saw him in concert this year, he looked great)

And last, but not least, cheers to the old dude that I saw at a local watering hole a week ago, who was a lean 6'4" with a full head of longish, healthy gray hair, with that 'run your hands through it' style like Sam Elliot's.  He was leaning on the bar with a devil may care smirk, looking at me, drinking beer straight from a plastic pitcher with one hand. 

That was the first time I ever looked at an older man in real life and thought, 'damn, he's still hot somehow'.