Every now and again my girlfriends and I run across a nice man, who wants to take one of us out, but he doesn't drink, aka: The Guy Who Doesn't Drink.
Now, I've always said "never trust someone who can't go out and have a couple of beers and be done with it". However, for some women, this may not be an issue, and in fact, I hear tell, that it is actually a plus for some. Of course, I can assure you, that for my two best friends and me, it is most certainly not okay. Unless all three of us need a designated driver and he makes pick up's and deliveries at no cost, with a smile and has the patience of a saint and possibly ear plugs.
But admittedly, I've gone out with The Guy Who Doesn't Drink, because, what wouldn't I do for the possibility of a good story to tell? However, I'm setting aside my own stories for today, because the ones with the non-drinkers are simply not that exciting, and I have recently decided to spare any more of them from the misery of knowing me. I finally stopped thinking that I would be able to get them to drink using psychological trickery, or by them simply seeing how jolly it made me.
Anyway, my girlfriend Katy recently went out with a very cute guy who did not drink. Katy drinks vodka like I drink beer. Now Katy is no sloppy drunk. She can slam her little pink drinks down like a pro and stand up fully erect in her little pink heels all night and be no worse for the wear. She is never embarrassing, only more and more funny as the night goes on, as the vodka slowly begs her to verbalize everything that pops into her mind. Now this nice young man proceeded to tell Katy that he has a sister who has 'special needs' and that his best friend is also 'mentally challenged', and that he is a bit sensitive to the use of the word 'retarded'. Katy then proceeded to tell him how much she hates the "retarded kid" that lives down the street from her because he keeps moving her fucking potted plants around.
Then, so as not to look too kind and gentle, The Guy Who Doesn't Drink proceeded to ask Katy if she liked "ink", then rolled up his dress shirt sleeves and showed her his flame tattoos around his wrists, and that he's got a lot more where that came from. Katy tells him that she hates tattoos and that his "wrist flames" look like clown cuffs.
At this point, our cute and sweet Guy That Doesn't Drink is so taken with our adorable little Katy's blatant honesty and matter-of-fact smiling, that he quickly asked her out on another date to which she calls me immediately afterwards and says "I dunno, he doesn't drink"!