Hello, my name is Kelly, and I'm an addict. A "Love Addict", that is. According to Pia Mellody, author of 'Facing Love Addiction', I have been a "Love Addict" almost since my first relationship, always being drawn to love men that either cannot be, or will not be emotionally available, or ever experience healthy intimacy with another person. She calls these men "Love Avoidants". I have to admit, after reading this book, it is true. According to Pia, "Love Addicts" are tragically, only drawn to "Love Avoidants" in their lives to try to fulfill, or fix the trauma within themselves, from a primary care giver not being emotionally available. In other words, for me and women like me, it has been scratching and clawing at men that remind us of our fathers, so as to finally get his attention and to matter, aka: Daddy Issues. However, this man that we are attracted to, being a replica of our fathers, doesn't have the ability to experience true healthy intimacy with another person, for his own reasons, and in fact, feels completely smothered, frightened and irritated by the "Love Addicts" attention at a certain point. He wants to be with her, but only up to the point where he feels it is safe. Mellody states "Love Avoidants consciously (and greatly) fear intimacy because they believe that they will be drained, engulfed, and controlled by it". "Love Avoidants where drained, engulfed and controlled by someone else's neediness (somewhere in their childhoods), and they don't want to go through that experience again". So they flee, and then to try to fix their own trauma, they come back again when time has past and they feel it's safe to re-enter the relationship. We are drawn to what is familiar to us, aren't we? And so, both of us, go back and forth in this dance between two emotionally unhealthy people that are drawn to each other and then repelled over and over again.
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